Dearest Coca-Cola Classic,
It is with a heavy heart I write you today with news of my decision. Being in a relationship for nearly 20 years has made this decision one of the hardest I have ever made. I will miss the euphoria that you bring after 10 minutes of your presence, and will undoubtedly suffer headache for a few days. It will be tricky to avoid you in the grocery store, the place we first met. It will be hard to step foot thereagain, and I am fairly certain I will never view the color red the same after you.
The impact you’ve had on my life will never be forgotten. The yellow stains on my teeth, the acid reflux that leaves a delightful ball of gas in it’s midst. Yes, I will cherish these memories. But, alas, I must move on. If I’m being honest, it’s completely you…not me. I’ve met someone new that has opened my eyes to different experiences and feelings. I don’t depend on him to push me through the day, but know he’s there just to support me. He’s not taking my insides and turning them upside down, he makes them better. He’s also become quite the running buddy, I guess that’s where the deception started. His name, Water. He’s changed me, and because of that, I have to let you go.
I will never forget the bubbly sensation you left in my throat, or the sticky aftermath lingering on my lips. Goodbye Coca-Cola Classic! May you find some other dependent soul longing for your 64g of sugar and 240 calorie physique. I hope you make one another very happy!!