As we grow more comfortable in our relationships, often times our sex lives tend to slide into a shallow corner of boring repetition. For many couples, sex even becomes a chore; just one more thing to try to schedule in their busy lives. However, if we think back to when we first fell in love with our partner, we might recall what an amazing connection sex can build. It’s a chance to explore one another, both physically and emotionally, and a chance to shut out the world and focus on each other, a chance to release stress and focus on pleasure.
If you’ve been searching for a way to bring both passion and focus back into the bedroom, you may want to give Tantric sex a try. Sure, you’ve probably read the articles where singer/songwriter Sting credits Tantric sex for his 7 hour sessions with wife Trudie, but Tantric sex is about much more than a bedroom marathon. According to Temple of Tantra, “Tantric Sex is the ancient key to sexual pleasure and psychic power, attained through a set of rituals practiced by the ‘Hindu Cult of Ecstasy’. It is kind of a ‘sexual magic’ which brings pleasure, power, energy and control. Through its rituals, Tantra teaches ways to carry intense focus of concentration into all areas of life. The rituals make it possible to enjoy sex more often, for longer periods of greater pleasure than you have ever known before, and the more frequently you have sex, the more quickly and powerfully your sexual energy will regenerate itself.” While the idea of “sexual magic” does sound appealing, we still felt it was necessary to bring in the experts to give us more details on this amazing practice and all of its benefits.
According to Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, authors of Partners in Passion, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality, the major difference between Tantric sex and traditional sex is that “(With Tantric sex), the focus is on the other not the self, and orgasm is not the goal.” What this means is that the center of this experience is focus. The point is to truly tune into your partner, focusing on his or her movements, caresses, breathing patterns, face and body. Instead of simply running through the positions in an effort to hurry up and achieve orgasm, you instead put all of the focus on building pleasure. By engaging in this practice, Johnson and Michaels say that couples are able to develop a deeper connection, decrease performance anxiety and create a richer and more erotic experience. In addition to the connection that Tantric sex can build, there are also many health benefits to this practice. The techniques are known to reduce stress and invoke a total sense of calm, allowing partners to truly ‘be in the moment’. For women in particular, regular practice of Tantric sex helps to develop stronger Pubococcygeus (PC) muscles, which leads to a more enjoyable sexual experience and a decrease in pelvic pain.
At this point you may be thinking to yourself that all of this “connection talk” is awesome, but what about the orgasm? Well don’t fret we’ve got you covered. Los Angeles based Author and Tantric Yoga Instructor Psalm Isadora tells us that regular practice can produce an amazing treat known as the full body wave orgasm. According to Isadora, unlike a typical orgasm which is centered in one area of the body, “The full body wave orgasm is one that moves through the whole spine like a wave from the tailbone to the crown of the head and then returns to the tailbone to move circularly through the whole body in wave after wave of continuous pleasure.” She describes this orgasm as being similar to movements of the ocean; a constant ebb and flow of pleasure. There are a few secrets to achieving this full body wave orgasm that were a little too detailed to share; however, Isadora has plenty of info about the topic on her site.
If all of this talk has left you completely intruiged and wondering how you can learn the practice of Tantric sex for yourself, we’ve got the 411 on that as well. If you’re up for the challenge, there are actual Tantric sex classes available for both couples and singles. In these classes, students learn the fundamental moves and concepts of the practice with focus on how to best incorporate them into their everyday lives. Certain moves such as the exercise of staring into your partner’s eyes in silence for a few minutes every day, not only gives couples a chance to unwind and reboot their sexual energy, it can also lead to a deeper sense of connection, and according to Michael’s and Johnson, can help to recreate that initial feeling of falling in love. Classes also instruct on what moves work best to prolong pleasure and how best to increase it. Depending on the facility, classes are taught in either a small group or as a private session. If you’re terrified even thinking about practicing something so intimate in the company of strangers, no worries, there are plenty of books and videos to get you started. You may even want to visit the Tantra website first to make sure the practice is right for you and your partner.
So if your sex life has recently evolved into a 15 minute snore session on a Saturday night, it’s probably time to experiment with something new. While we can’t promise that adding a little Tantra your routine will give you a sex life that will rival that of Sting’s, we are pretty darn sure that it will be like no other experience you’ve ever had before!