I’m sure we’re all aware that there are some rules associated with trick-or-treating, where something reflective, don’t go to a stranger’s house, don’t eat any unwrapped candy, no costumes that impede your vision, stay out of the street, and no for some towns, no trick-or-treating over the age of 12.  Yup, you read that right.  Some towns have adopted an age cut-off for trick-or-treating, the ripe old age of 12.  Now I’m not anti-rules, I kinda love rules; they separate us from the animals.  But this rule?  Thumbs down.  Come on Halloween Grinches!  I admit there’s nothing more annoying than forking over a couple Butterfingers to a fifteen year old who swung by on his way to go loiter in a parking lot, but I think for most of us the issue isn’t that the kid is a year away from driving, its that he’s not wearing a costume.  So I got to thinking (never a good thing for anyone ever) and decided to come up with my own set of Halloween trick-or-treating rules, enjoy.

  • You need to wear a costume.  Um hello!  No costume no candy, makes sense, right?  Nothing boils my blood like a costume-less trick-or-treater, its basically just door-to-door begging.  I don’t ask much; just throw a costume on lazy bones.
  •  A stupid rubber mask is not a costume.  You cannot simply throw on a mask and call it a day.  If you do not put any thought into the clothes you’re wearing, or if you’re wearing a normal outfit for you, its not a costume.  No dice son.
  • Trick or treat during acceptable hours.  Do not ring my bell at 3pm or knock on my door at 11pm.  I don’t care if I have a stockpile of candy; if you come at a weird time I’m not giving any to you.
  • A six-month-old baby does not eat a Snickers bar.  Hey moms and dads, we all know that you want to show off your adorable baby in his adorable costume, we get it.  I’m just saying if you come to my house with a tooth-less baby and a trick-or-treat bag you better be in costume too, because everyone knows the candy is for you.
  •  Please and thank you.  Last but not least, parents please remind your rugrats the simple beauty of being well mannered.  I know Halloween can spiral into a sugar fueled free for all, but lets encourage the kids to say “please” and “thank you”.  There is nothing cuter than polite children, and nothing more annoying than rude ones.

Personally I think my five rules are light-years better than some dumb age cap, but I can be a little biased since I wrote them and I love everything I write.  Feel free to print my rules out and take them to your city or town council if you agree.  Happy Halloween!