When it comes to sex, men usually come out on top while women are typically left laying there, wishing they’d spent their time catching up on their favorite TV show instead. So why is that more often than not, women don’t get what they want in bed? Most experts would agree it is because the bedroom is the one place that most women lack the desire to direct. After spending all day committed to a job, and telling kids what to do, at the end of the day, they don’t want to have to give any further instructions. However, while directing your man to the perfect southern route may seem like a chore, after hearing a bit more about it you might just change your mind.
Why do women allow their men to ignore or dismiss their needs? According to Dr. Ava Cadell, founder of Loveology University, the issue is that women expect men to know what they’re craving, both physically and emotionally. When they don’t, most never speak up about it. “(Women) are afraid that they will be rejected, judged or even ridiculed if they share their needs,” she said. “Not to mention that they fear that they will be replaced by a woman who has less needs.” Leta Herman, author of “The Energy of Love,” agreed adding that often times after repeated disappointment by a man, a woman can begin to feel as if it is her fault, and that no one could possibly meet her needs.
What can women do to feel more confident in the bedroom? When it comes to confidence, experts agree that it is the key to getting what you want anywhere in life, but especially in the bedroom. If you don’t feel that you’re entitled to pleasure, you’re not likely to convey that message to your husband. To increase confidence levels in the bedroom, Cadell suggests trading in your typical PJ’s for something that makes you feel sexy. Whether that is a new negligee, high heels or something a bit more risqué, the sexier you feel, the more confident you will be. Cadell also suggests initiating a slow stream of foreplay, starting with a lingering hug or a slow and passionate kiss. Initiating sexual contact with basic foreplay not only revs up both of your engines, it additionally releases oxytocin, the well-recognized love hormone, bringing you instantly closer as a couple. Lack of foreplay is just one reason why women don’t get what they want in bed, because women require foreplay to truly get in the mood. Since our bodies work differently than a man’s, if we are not fully charged from head to toe before the lovemaking begins, we are less likely to enjoy the experience.
How can you approach your man about your sexual desires? Dr. Cadell suggests that women not approach this topic the same as they would other topics. The goal is to persuade, not to nag. Instead of criticizing past performances or being blunt about what he is not doing, give him a reason to want to give into your desires. “Be playful with games like sexy truth or dare, strip poker, sex scrabble or do some naked yoga together,” she said. “This is a great way to boost your confidence, communication and chemistry, and it’s a great time to bring up your desires and fantasies in a fun way.” Meaning, once you have his attention, fill him in on what you need by either talking him through a fantasy and daring him to fulfill it, or if need be, physically guiding him through the steps you need him to take in order to satisfy you.
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