I admit it: I’m kind of a ninny about nail art. Every once in a while I will paint my nails a muted color – and then spend about one whole day trying not to touch anything. After that, the remover comes out and I congratulate myself on being very fancy. I envy the nail art looks I see online and on Pinterest. I wish I could be a fingernail “artiste” in the worst way, but there are some nail art looks that make me honestly frightened. Here they are:

1. There is no possible way that I could handle having less than perfect circles on my nails. Hence…I’ll never do it!

2. You know what would make me even more twitchy than needing perfect circles? Ombre.

3. I’m sure you are picking up a theme by now. Every nail different? But still in a balanced theme? I could never handle it if the white spaces were too much, or the circles were different sizes.

4. This look has been done by an obvious pro and it already scares me…as is! Look how the swirls aren’t uniform in nature! Too much whimsy if you ask me.

via Pinterest

5. a)these nails are too long for me! b) they don’t match! c) her swirls point in different directions!


6. OMG…you guys. This is fancy self-defense. What if I have to, well, do ANYTHING with my hands??

7. Listen, I’m going to be honest with you: these nails look too heavy to carry all day.

8. These I’ll do, for the sponsorship dollars. Because my fear can easily be overcome by the right amount of money.

9. I saved the best for last. Weaponized nails basically mean I’m hurting myself. All day, every day. Until they fall off. Or I go to the ER.