I love weddings!  I love seeing the bride’s dress, the bridesmaids’ dresses, what song the couple picked for their first dance, the booze, the fact that you’re socially contracted to eat cake, the excuse to cry and feel sorry for myself at the end of the night (wait, what?). Sorry, I got a little carried away there.  One of my favorite things to do at a wedding is sit back and check out all the other weddings guests.  Who can’t walk in high heels? Who is chasing the waiter with the bacon wrapped scallops? (Ok, that’s usually me.) Who is dressed like they’ve never been to a wedding before, or even seen one on TV?  I’ve seen some interesting (crazy) get-ups at weddings, and it got me thinking that maybe this is a real problem and people need real help. Real help from Heather Foley.  So in the interest of helping people (because really that is what I’m all about), here is my list of seven things to NEVER wear to a wedding. (photo credit here)

white dress

White. This should go without saying, right?  Who in their right mind would wear white to a wedding?  I hope most of you are reading this and thinking “Uh yeah, no duh..”, but hand-to-God I have seen white at a wedding before. And this wasn’t one of those beachy weddings were everyone wears cream linen. Nope. A big church wedding.  Oh, and I was recently told by a friend they spied a white cocktail dress at a wedding, so apparently this needs to be said. Come on ladies! For the record nothings says “I wasn’t raised right” like wearing white to a wedding. (photo credit here)

New Spanx. God bless Spanx. If you’re wearing a fitted dress and need assistance sucking it in, Spanx are a must. However, do NOT wear brand new shapewear to a wedding.  You need to wear shapewear that you’ve at least taken on a test run.  “Why?” you ask?  Do you want to find out the hard way that you can’t pull your Spanx back up after a couple glasses of champagne and a few pigs in a blanket? I didn’t think so. (photo credit here)


Killer Heels. I’m all for killer heels as in “Dang, Girl, you lookin’ fine!”. But “I can’t dance because my feet hurt”? Boooooo! We’ve all done it: worn a pair of heels that either gave us blisters, pinched our toes, or killed the balls of our feet. It’s easy to underestimate how bad a pair of shoes hurt when they look fierce. Let’s make a pact to stop though, shall we? I now have a pair of go-to gold wedding shoes that have seen about seven weddings and two divorces. (photo credit here)

All White Kardashian bridal party

Matchy-Match. Do you know what color the bridesmaids are wearing?  Well, then why don’t you make an effort not to wear that color? Except for black. And for the record, I don’t subscribe to the old adage that you can’t wear black to a wedding. (photo credit here)

clear bra

Poor support. You know what has never fooled anyone?  Clear plastic bra straps.  Either get a good strapless bra or have your dress tailored so you can go braless. Yes, it can be done. And you know what you don’t have to do with a good strapless bra? Pull it up every five minutes. (photo credit here)
short dresses

Inappropriate hemlines. Listen. No one loves a questionable hemline more than yours truly.  I like to show a little leg. Sue me.  But you know where I keep my gams (mostly) covered up? At a wedding. A lot of wedding ceremonies take place at a place of worship. Even if the ceremony you’re attending takes place in an alley somewhere, it’s probably a place that’s special to the bride and groom so show some respect.  Also when you’re sitting at a dinner to honor two people pledging their lives to each other, there should be some fabric between your bum and the seat. (photo credit here)
britney and justin
Jeans. This is a bonus for the dudes out there who might be reading this.  I’m not going to entertain the notion that a lady would wear jeans to a wedding. I can’t. I don’t care how casual a wedding is, you do not wear jeans. Ever.  You won’t look casual and hip. You’ll look like your parole hearing ran late and you didn’t get out of the clink in time to grab your suit. (photo credit here)

Hopefully you haven’t been guilty of wearing anything on my list, but if you have, you can still redeem yourself.  If you’ve dressed like Nell to a wedding before people probably don’t have high hopes for you so just think how you’ll blow everyone away at the next one.  All you have to do is wear a cocktail dress with a bra that stays put and shoes you can walk in. You got this.

What’s the worst outfit you’ve seen at a wedding?  Let me know in the comments!