Kids are gross little weirdos – gifts from God – but gross little weirdos. As gross little weirdos, kids continually do things that make grownups shake their heads. They dump food on their heads, they think nonsense like saying “stinky feet” over and over again is hilarious, they gleefully stomp around in the mud, and perhaps strangest of all, they stick stuff up their noses. Apparently random objects stuck in kids’ noses is reaching epidemic proportions, as most families have at least one story about a trip to the doctor because a little cherub decided to see what would fit in his nostrils. We did a little prodding, and here are 10 of the weirdest (and grossest) things kids have stuck up their noses. Brought to you by Boogie Wipes, the number one pick for stuffy noses.
1. Crayons. Does Crayola make a crayon in crusty booger or was that one of the colors they retired a few years back? Why on earth would a child stick a pointed stick of wax up their nose? Maybe they heard Van Gogh cut off his ear and they’re working their way up.
2. Beads. It’s mostly little kids who stick random stuff up their noses. Well, who the heck left beads out around a little kid? Beads are so shiny and so nostril sized, so of course a little kid is going to stick it up his nose. Better the nose than the throat.
3. French Fries. French fries might be the most disturbing thing on this list, because who the heck would waste a French fry? Wasting French fries is a sign of things to come. A child who doesn’t appreciate French fries will never appreciate the finer things in life.
4. Cat food. Gross, gross, gross. Wet or dry? Doesn’t matter, both are gross. Although, Fancy Feast is the grossest.
5. Marbles. Marbles make sense. A kid who can shoot a marble out their nose is a weapon of mass destruction and a God on the playground.
6. Spaghetti. Props to the kid who sticks spaghetti up his nose. Spaghetti is not an obvious choice like ziti or elbow macaroni. The kid who sticks spaghetti up his nose is an independent thinker, they march to the beat of their own drum. The kid who sticks spaghetti up his nose is the next Steve Jobs!
7. Tissue. A kid who got a tissue stuck up his nose has simply realized that blowing his nose is one of the best feelings in the world. He probably just got a little carried away. It happens! There are worse things to get carried away with.
8. Cheerios. Ah, the dark side of Cheerios they don’t show in their warm and fuzzy commercials. When a baby plays with her food, some of it is going up her nose, it’s just science.
9. Barbie Shoes and Legos. If a kid is sticking barbie shoes and legos up his nose, congrats, he’s probably a budding masochist. If he’s shoving them up someone else’s nose, he’s a little sadist. Barbie shoes and legos are the toys that cause the absolute most pain to unsuspecting victims when they’re stepped on, so jamming one in a nostril has to kill. But, on the plus side, maybe he’ll grow into the next Fifty Shades type author and be set for life.
10. Beans and Peas. Beans and peas are gross. The poor kid didn’t want to eat them but doesn’t have a dog to feed them to, so she’s just thinking outside the box. A child shouldn’t be punished because she shoved a pea up her nose, she should be applauded for being a problem solver.